Getting your Wife to Swing. (A Female’s Perspective)November 30th, 2011 by Jamie
Are you interested in Swinging, but aren’t sure how to approach your wife about trying it?
This is an extremely delicate matter, so it’s best to approach your wife by putting yourself in her shoes. Go into the conversation hoping to succeed in your efforts, but do not get upset or frustrated at your woman if she is not interested right away. Opening her mind to the idea of swinging is the first step in the process. Once she’s had a chance to think on it she’ll likely come to you with questions and intrigue. If this is not the outcome of your conversation be prepared for her to wonder if you will be unfaithful. Understanding what swinging really means may set her mind, and heart, at ease from this concern. Swinging promotes monogamy in the love between both partners, but opens the sexual activity up to others outside the relationship.
There are many ways swinging can enhance and improve a relationship, but first you must evaluate if your relationship is strong enough already to support being in the lifestyle. Swinging is not a fix for a bad relationship and will in fact destroy it. So be aware of the pros and cons of introducing swinging into your relationship.
PRO: Swinging can bring a couple closer together. Swinging involves a high degree of communication between both partners. You should constantly be checking in with each other and staying connected. Every experience is different and comfort levels can wax and wane. Stay involved in your partner’s activities (even when not physically involved). Make certain she is enjoying herself and has control of the situation.
CON: Swinging involves a high degree of communication. If you and your wife are not already use to communicating this much, swinging will pose an issue for you. Forcing involvement can make her feel smothered and as though you are trying to control her. This type of connection must be natural and flow effortlessly.
PRO: You may notice your trust and honesty reach new levels, rediscover why you fell in love with each other and find a greater sense of pleasure in the bedroom.
CON: In the beginning there may be jealousy issues to overcome. This can be tough for anyone, but remember to continue communicating, and always be considerate and understanding if your wife feels this way. In your own ways, reassure her fears and take things slowly. Let her take the lead, and dictate the speed at which you proceed.
PRO: You may discover new sexual experiences and techniques that you both can use in your own bedroom. Opening your sexual activity up to other people will certainly introduce you to new ideas and techniques you’ve never experienced before. This is an opportunity for you to find new and exciting ways of pleasuring each other during your own playtime.
CON: You may discover you are not as interested in swinging as you’d originally thought, but your wife is! The lifestyle is such that women are truly in control of the whole ballgame. Generally, women have the final say on whom you play with, when you play and what you do with your playmates. So be careful what you wish for!
Make sure this process is a give and take. Discuss openly your desires and interests and find out if she has any unfulfilled fantasies. Agree to satisfy her sexual curiosities in exchange, and that it would be your pleasure to do so. Be open-minded! If she is willing to open up to you then be supportive, not judgmental. Consider that what you’re asking her for may be a bit out of her comfort zone just as her fantasies may be outside of yours.
Setting rules and boundaries is imperative for all swingers. Determine prior to any activity what you are both interested in, what potential playmates you may be looking for and how you’d like to find and meet other swingers.
There are many ways to find and meet other swingers with similar interests. Swing publications have all but become a thing of the past, as swinger sites are becoming a popular choice for locating like-minded swingers. On Muah.com, you can set up a free profile and instantly begin searching through thousands of swingers based on niche criteria. Here you can also find local events and parties, chat with other members in the live video chat room and talk to other swingers that are always happy to share their stories or give advice to newbies. Local swing clubs or organizations are another great way to get involved in the lifestyle and meet other swingers. Most clubs will host private parties or events, however the price of admission may be steep for first-timers. Also consider the type of event as on-premise clubs and parties will involve sex on-site, albeit in a private or semi-private room. Ascertain whether or not your wife is ready for this because the initial shock could set her back. Predominantly, swinger parties are off-premise (no sex on-site) and are a wonder catalyst for socializing and meeting new friends. They are no-pressure, fun events and most swingers will tell you the social aspects of being in the lifestyle is equally as rewarding as the sexual pleasures.
Make sure she is involved in the search for potential playmates and in planning your “first date.” Nudge her to take the reigns and direct you to couples, or singles, she may be interested in. Introduce her to the scenario you are interested in by watching pornos together, perhaps of threesomes, gangbangs or group sex. This will get her initial shock of the unexpected out of the way, and it’s likely she’ll be able to visualize herself in a similar scenario. Another way of “testing the waters” is to take a vacation to an adult resort, such as Desire or Hedonism. There you can both relax; sit frozen drinks and lay around in the sun (with little to no clothing) in a sexually charged environment. Here you have the potential for something to happen without the pressure or obligation….and hey, who couldn’t use a tropical vacation! Again, be sure she is 100% aware of what to expect!
However you and your wife decide to explore the lifestyle, always remember to keep your relationship first and foremost. She may not warm up to swinging all at one, so be patient with your wife, and don’t force the lifestyle. Half the fun is starting out and talking about your desires with each other, and if you find that swinging isn’t for you at least you’ve opened the door to other fantasies you can explore together.